“The Watchers” by A. M. Shine
Dear Mr. Shine,
I am convinced that the initial version of The Watchers was no more than 150 or 200 pages. And in that form, I imagine it was an absolute masterpiece of supernatural horror: gripping, action-packed, and impossible to put down. But somewhere along the way, someone must have persuaded you to expand it. Was it your editor? Your agent? The publisher? And why, I wonder, did you take that advice?
The additional descriptive passages, while beautifully written, often detract from the momentum of the story. Pages filled with wandering thoughts, though rich in prose, break the tension and pull the reader out of the moment. At times, I found myself struggling to push through, and I nearly placed the novel atop my “stack of the unfinished.” There were moments, like when Mina reminisces while running for her life, that seemed misplaced and slowed the pacing.
Was this done to meet a certain length, to ensure the novel wasn’t labeled a novella? If so, it feels like a disservice to the core brilliance of the story. Your talent in exploring the psyches of your characters, as they face their nightmares, is superb. The tension you create in the second half of the novel is masterful, and your prose is nothing short of exquisite. I was captivated by lines like this one from page 14 of my paperback edition:
«The rain never bothered her, and it certainly never came as any surprise. She could read the sky like a face and knew when it was welling up long before the tears came. This was a far cry from autumn’s much-lauded epoch. Gone were the leaves - coiled and russet - that dragged the poet’s pen to paper.»
This kind of writing had me from the start.
There’s action, mystery, and a brilliant twist. By the way —spoiler alert— I suspected Madeline was connected to Kilmartin when she watched the video in the bunker (which triggered a nostalgic memory of the hatch from the TV series Lost), but the actual final reveal surpassed all my expectations. Bravo!
So, here’s the crux: while I loved the second half, I struggled to push through the first. The pacing issues left me longing for the taut, focused masterpiece I feel it could have been.
Your affectionate reader,
Fabio
Fabio Scagliola,